Check-In

Yesterday Chris had his CT-guided biopsy done, and apparently the doctor was able to get some good tissue samples. The procedure went quickly, the radiologist who did the procedure was very kind, as was his staff, and it felt good to have an action step to take amidst all these waiting days. I like being with Chris at the hospital. We get to sit together and talk quietly in the waiting areas. Al also met us there, just to be in the parking lot and pray and bring me coffee. What a thithter I have. 

We had a rough several days leading up to this week. Chris’s symptoms have increased pretty significantly in fairly short order—I think mostly related to his liver swelling and causing distention, discomfort, much fatigue and achiness, and lower back pain. We went in to the office on Monday at my request. I wanted someone to actually *see* him (our appointments have been so few and far between). Dr. Windsor prescribed Chris stronger pain meds, and those have helped his discomfort significantly. We’re very grateful. He’s still at a point where even standing for very long is too much for him. But I’m so glad he’s not in much pain. This is a boon for both of our spirits. 

Our next appointment is scheduled for Monday, whether the pathology report is back or not. I pressed Windsor on how long the results would take, and he wouldn’t promise anything. He even alluded to possibly needing to send it off again, but he assured us that everyone who is involved in this is very eager to figure out what it is. I’ve told Chris that while I know in my head there will be some resolution to this mystery someday, I feel like we will literally never know; we will never know what kind of cancer Chris has, and we will never start treatment. That’s where my heart is: exhausted and disbelieving in this diagnostic process. 

Seeing Chris change physically has given me (and us) a very real sense of the valley. I’m concerned for him every minute (whether in any given moment I need to be or not). Historically, I’m the one who gets so anxious about health issues. He’s the one who, over the years, has reassured me that what I’m experiencing physically or what my children are experiencing is not cancer. I’ve learned to trust his voice and rest in his objectivity. Now I feel fears and concerns for him, and I have a difficult time knowing if my old well-worn neuro-pathways are just activating or if, in the objectivity and closeness I have, I can see things in him that may need to be addressed. Thankfully, especially over this last week, we’ve had conversations about all of this. The conversations have been hard, but they’ve been fruitful for both of us. And, as is the way of my husband, Chris has ministered to me in my fears and insecurities. He is a real channel of Christ’s presence and peace to me. Of his care. Of his truth. I hope I have ministered to him as well.

A couple thoughts from friends I wanted to share: 

My friend Helen gave birth at 28.5 weeks last week to her precious boy, Eric Christopher (Thanks be to God, he is strong and well!!!). This after weeks of hospital bedrest beset with anxiety, and much, much loss over the years. In a text to me several days ago, she said, “Sometimes it feels like everything is just a different kind of waiting.” Of course, to her and her husband, this is proving so true. How they have waited. And now, with their son here—the very thing they’ve been waiting for—they wait in a new way—waiting as he develops in the NICU, waiting to bring him home. I instantly saw how true this is for us too: once we get a diagnosis and treatment plan, our waiting will not be over. Then we will be waiting to start treatment, then we will wait and wait to see if the treatment is effective…. And of course I went back to what my friend Katherine has said several times: We wait. Not just on results, but on the Lord. It’s beginning to sink in to me that learning to wait, in truth and in kindness, on Jesus himself, will be my life’s work. The circumstances will always be changing; the eternal things will never change, and for those things we have to learn to wait and watch.

Another friend said just yesterday, “May you find joy in releasing to the Lord those things that you cannot control or bear.” And how much of all of this is in my control? How much is bearable? None of it. None of it can I change or control or even hold on my own. I was struck by the simple invitation to release it, to hold it up to the Lord for him to bear. He has borne all this and much more before. And then the thought: Could joy come with the releasing? Joy?? I will test it and see. This is not an easy exercise, but I will see.

142 thoughts on “Check-In”

  7. 스피드바카라

    Hello, There’s no doubt that your website could be having internet browser compatibility problems. Whenever I스피드바카라

    look at your website in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping issues. I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Apart from that, fantastic site!

    Reply ↓
  17. 바카라

    First of all I want to say wonderful blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing. I have had a hard time clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out there. I truly do enjoy writing however it just s

    바카라

    eems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips? Thank you!
    webpage

    Reply ↓
  29. http://bitly.com/3mIu5Em

    I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or
    did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like to
    find out where u got this from. thank you asmr 0mniartist

    Reply ↓
  33. antalya böcek ilaçlama

    Thanks for the marvelous posting! I really enjoyed reading it, you may be a great
    author. I will make sure to bookmark your blog and will
    often come back down the road. I want to encourage that you continue
    your great writing, have a nice weekend!

    Reply ↓
  34. Shell Download

    Your style is very unique compared to other folks I have read stuff from.

    I appreciate you for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I’ll just
    book mark this site.

    Reply ↓
  35. instagram

    Hi, i think that i saw you visited my website thus i came to “return the favor”.I’m
    attempting to find things to improve my website!I suppose
    its ok to use some of your ideas!!

    Reply ↓
  36. instagram takipçi satın al

    Özellikle İnstagram tarafından satış yapan bireylerin güvenilirliğini çoğaltmak amacıyla
    çok sayıda takipçiye, beğeniye ya da yoruma gereksinimi var.

    Bu nedenlerden ötürü çoğu değişik firma satış yaparak
    abone adedinin artırılması kullanıcı talebini kolaylaştırmaktadır.

    Google ve diğer arama motorlarında da günde binlerce şahıs
    instagram takipçi satın al
    arama sözcüğü ve türevleri ile arama yapıyorlar
    tam bu devrede işte bu site devreye giriyor ve size en kaliteli ve güvenilir takipçi satışı sağlıyor

    .

    Reply ↓
  40. asmr https://0mniartist.tumblr.com

    Simply desire to say your article is as surprising.
    The clarity on your submit is just excellent and that i could suppose you are an expert in this subject.
    Fine with your permission allow me to grasp your feed to stay updated with drawing close
    post. Thank you 1,000,000 and please keep up the enjoyable work.
    0mniartist asmr

    Reply ↓
  45. 0mniartist

    Wow that was strange. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my
    comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all
    that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say fantastic blog!
    asmr 0mniartist

    Reply ↓
  74. web hosting

    I take pleasure in, result in I discovered just what I used to be taking a look for.
    You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day.
    Bye

    Reply ↓
  76. web hosting

    Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your site and in accession capital to assert that
    I acquire in fact enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Any way I will be subscribing to your feeds
    and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

    Reply ↓
  80. tinyurl.com

    Greetings from Florida! I’m bored at work so I decided to check
    out your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the knowledge you present here
    and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m surprised
    at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile .. I’m not
    even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, good site!

    Reply ↓
  87. coconut oil

    Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon on a daily basis.
    It will always be interesting to read through content from other authors and use a little something from other sites.

    ps4 games allenferguson ps4 games

    Reply ↓
  89. termometr bezkontaktowy

    Dzięki za zaleceń dotyczących naprawy kredytu na temat tego niesamowitego witryny. Kilka rzeczy i chciałbym powiedzieć ludziom zawsze zrezygnować z rzeczywistej mentalności mogą dzisiaj i wypłać później. Like a as be a} społeczeństwo {my|my wszyscy|my wszyscy|wielu z nas|większość z nas|większość ludzi} ma tendencję do {robienia tego|robienia tamtego|próbowania tego|zdarzyć się|powtórz to} dla wielu {rzeczy|problemów|czynników}. Obejmuje to {wakacje|wakacje|wypady|wyjazdy wakacyjne|wycieczki|rodzinne wakacje}, meble, {i|jak również|a także|wraz z|oprócz|plus} przedmiotów {chcemy|chcielibyśmy|życzymy|chcielibyśmy|naprawdę chcielibyśmy to mieć}. Jednak {musisz|musisz|powinieneś|powinieneś chcieć|wskazane jest, aby|musisz} oddzielić {swoje|swoje|to|twoje obecne|swoje|osoby} chcą {od wszystkich|z potrzeb|z}. {Kiedy jesteś|Kiedy jesteś|Kiedy jesteś|Jeśli jesteś|Tak długo, jak jesteś|Kiedy} pracujesz, aby {poprawić swój kredyt|poprawić swoją zdolność kredytową|zwiększyć swój kredyt|zwiększyć swój kredyt|podnieś swój ranking kredytowy|popraw swój kredyt} wynik {musisz zrobić|zrobić|faktycznie potrzebujesz|naprawdę musisz} dokonać kilku {poświęceń|kompromisów}. Na przykład {możesz|możesz|możesz|możesz|będziesz mógł|| możesz|prawdopodobnie możesz} robić zakupy online {aby zaoszczędzić pieniądze|aby zaoszczędzić pieniądze|aby zaoszczędzić} lub {możesz przejść do|może się zwrócić|może odwiedzić|może obejrzeć|może sprawdzić|może kliknąć} używane {sklepy|sklepy|detaliści|sprzedawcy|punkty sprzedaży|dostawcy} zamiast {drogie|drogie|drogie|drogie|drogie|drogich} domów towarowych {dla|w odniesieniu do|dotyczących|odnoszących się do|przeznaczonych dla|do zdobycia} odzieży {termometr bezdotykowy|termometry bezdotykowe|termometry bezdotykowe ranking|termometr do czoła|termometry do czoła|termometr bezkontaktowy|termometry bezkontaktowe|termometr koronawirus|termometr|termometr na podczerwień|termometry na podczerwień|termometr lekarski|termometry lekarskie|szybki termometr medyczny|szybkie termometry medyczne}.

    Reply ↓
  90. j.mp

    I’ve been surfing online more than 3 hours today,
    yet I never found any interesting article
    like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be a lot more useful than ever before.
    games ps4 185413490784 games ps4

    Reply ↓
  104. treatments for psoriasis

    Today, taking into consideration the fast chosen lifestyle that everyone is having, credit cards get this amazing demand throughout the market. Persons out of every arena are using credit card and people who not using the credit card have prepared to apply for just one. Thanks for spreading your ideas in credit cards. https://psoriasismedi.com treatments for psoriasis

    Reply ↓
  108. hyperactive thyroid treatment

    Thanks for your thoughts. One thing I’ve got noticed is the fact banks in addition to financial institutions understand the spending behaviors of consumers and as well understand that the majority of people max out and about their real credit cards around the breaks. They smartly take advantage of that fact and commence flooding ones inbox in addition to snail-mail box having hundreds of no-interest APR credit cards offers shortly after the holiday season concludes. Knowing that for anyone who is like 98% of American community, you’ll soar at the possible opportunity to consolidate consumer credit card debt and shift balances towards 0 interest rate credit cards. kkkjiln https://thyroidmedi.com – hyperactive thyroid treatment

    Reply ↓
  110. migraine medications

    Thanks for your strategies. One thing really noticed is that often banks plus financial institutions know the dimensions and spending patterns of consumers plus understand that plenty of people max outside their cards around the trips. They correctly take advantage of this real fact and then start flooding a person’s inbox plus snail-mail box by using hundreds of no interest APR credit cards offers right after the holiday season finishes. Knowing that if you’re like 98% of the American public, you’ll leap at the opportunity to consolidate credit debt and transfer balances to 0 annual percentage rates credit cards. ddddcfj https://headachemedi.com – buy Headache drugs

    Reply ↓
  111. tinyurl.com

    I used to be suggested this website by means of my cousin. I’m not sure whether this submit is written through him as nobody
    else know such exact approximately my problem. You’re amazing!

    Thank you!

    Reply ↓
  112. cheap flights

    Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

    Reply ↓
  113. tinyurl.com

    Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It really useful &
    it helped me out much. I hope to give something back
    and aid others like you aided me.

    Reply ↓
  114. frolep rotrem

    I want to show some appreciation to the writer for rescuing me from this particular difficulty. Because of checking through the the web and finding principles which were not powerful, I figured my entire life was done. Being alive devoid of the solutions to the difficulties you’ve solved all through your good short article is a serious case, as well as ones which may have negatively damaged my entire career if I had not come across the website. Your primary training and kindness in dealing with everything was crucial. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I had not come upon such a thing like this. I’m able to at this point look forward to my future. Thanks for your time very much for this skilled and amazing help. I will not hesitate to endorse your web sites to any person who wants and needs guidelines about this matter.

    Reply ↓
  115. cheap flights

    Usually I do not learn article on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very compelled
    me to check out and do so! Your writing style has been surprised me.

    Thank you, quite great post.

    Reply ↓
  116. cheap flights

    Hey this is kinda of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding knowledge so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience.
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Reply ↓
  117. cheap flights

    I am not positive the place you’re getting your info, but
    good topic. I needs to spend a while finding out much more or working
    out more. Thanks for magnificent info I used to be looking
    for this information for my mission.

    Reply ↓
  118. froleprotrem

    I’d have to examine with you here. Which is not one thing I usually do! I take pleasure in reading a post that may make folks think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to comment!

    Reply ↓
  119. Cindy Kross

    Jeff and I continue to pray for Chris’ healing! You are no ever alone! May God Give you His peace that passes understanding🙏🙏🙏🙏Cindy Kross

    Reply ↓
  121. Sara Baugh

    I am praying for you both throughout the days. Today’s post was an inspiration to me…release all to the Lord for him to bear. Amen!

    Reply ↓
  123. Keith Davis

    Sarah and Chris, we are praying for you guys daily with the Rez Morning Prayer. Our hope, your hope, is in the Lord. Waiting is hard, I hope and pray that the peace of the Lord will comfort you.

    Reply ↓
  124. Patricia Gehringer

    Chris and Sarah, you are in my prayers daily. May God’s love and strength carry you through this valley . I pray for Chris to be relieved of pain and to get sleep. You are a warrior in this battle Sarah but you are not alone. God is with you fighting for you. I pray for your courage Sarah . Sending love to both of you and your children.

    Reply ↓
  125. Betsy Kopecky

    Ps 42:7….’…deep calls unto deep.’ The deep things of God meet the deep needs of men’s hearts.
    I often don’t understand….but I do believe He will minister to the deepest parts of your souls, Chris and Sarah….with His very, very deep Love!
    Betsy K

    Reply ↓
  126. Antonio & Lori Carballo

    Continued prayers from your church family. I can’t imagine how hard this is for your family to be going through this. But you’re not alone. God bless and heal you, Chris.

    Reply ↓
  129. John Wilson

    Thank you for this vivid, honest update, Sarah. It makes Wendy & me feel as if we were sitting with you, hearing your voice. Please give Chris a soft hug for us. Much love,
    John

    Reply ↓
  130. Joel & Katee

    Love this. What a beautiful picture of what this moment of waiting is like. Thank you for your vulnerability and thoughtfulness. We are praying every day for you, Chris and the kids. We love you!

    Reply ↓
  132. Anonymous

    Thank you Sara and Chris for the update! Thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability during this time of waiting . Praying Christ before you, Christ behind you, Christ on each side of you , Christ above you , Christ below you! May you feel his perfect peace and strength when you can’t lift your head up when each moment feels unbearable ! we are with you in this , we are praying with you we are asking for God‘s healing !!! we are so sorry the waiting is so hard! Love Rod and Karen Griffon

    Reply ↓
  133. Eric Griffon

    Praying you will both find God’s joy and peace in the waiting. This battle seems insurmountable, but as you and Chris have both said before. That is when God shines brightest! ”The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” -Exodus 14:14 Continuing to pray for you all!

    Reply ↓
  134. gerald mcdermott

    Chris and Sarah, we are far away in Wisconsin but feel close to you in our thoughts and prayers. We think of you multiple times during the day and lift up arrow [prayers for God to keep filling you with faith and trust that will hold you up amidst the fear and pain. AND for real and genuine healing, the kind that God is still doing in this world, big time.
    Fr Gerry and Jean

    Reply ↓
  135. Andrea Tew

    Continuing to pray for you guys. I know this waiting must feel endless. Praying you get answers soon and for an overwhelming sense of peace, endurance, and sustenance.

    Reply ↓
  136. Ryan Hamm

    This is very beautiful. We prayed for chris at our small group tonight and will continue to do so. Thank you for sharing this so vulnerably—it helps to know how to pray for and with you both.

    Reply ↓

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *